profound title

Wow, first blog. I'm sure this doesn't qualify as a significant contribution to society but whatthehell i'm gonna feel like a significant contributor cause i can. Actually, confession, you were warned, i only opened this up to reply to acatofimpossiblecolour's post and i really have very little to say right now. don't worry, it'll pass. most of the time shutting me up is the trick.

blah blah blah. I want to write a to do list, but of all the mundane things, that would really be a bad way to start, what i'm sure will become, a very interesting expose... (as in pron. 'ex-pos-ay' - there's probably a little line above a letter but that stuff always went over my head so why confuse you as well?)

doop-de-doo... listening to gabrielle. she always wears sunglasses. after too many episodes of ER i suspect she is being beaten up and has bruises under her shades. '... if you love me, let me know, if you don't want me, tell me so, it can't be love if you're hurting me this much. if this is love then i don't want to know...' or something like that. quite depressing really. and reinforcing my suspicions of abuse.

but then she seems like someone who could have been the next aretha franklin so surely she wouldn't take crap from men. see... next song: ' ... i learnt to love myself. don't need no one else. baby can't you see that i dont need your chains around me. you say that this was love, then it was just too much. i needed to be free. your kind of love was killing me...' see? she wouldn't take crap.

actually i think women pressure women more than men do. i mean, men do give woman crap, i'm not denying that. but i reckon most women feel pressured to be a certain something because of what other women will think of them. this is a huge generalization but my blog, my gross exaggerations... i mean, how many men actually notice make up, hair, clothes...

okay, i'm bored of this tangent.

i'm also full. i've eaten very well today. toast, coffee and an orange for breaky, apple, mnms and a bagel for lunch, kiwifruit, gingernuts and coffee in the arvo, broccoli, mashed taties and salmon and parsley white sauce for tea. oh, and choc icecream. mmm...

to do list:

1. read for/write essay for 'christian tradition' paper on 'why jesus was not accepted as messiah by the majority of jews?'

2. study for test on pop culture and the media. could almost qualify watching tv as studying except he gave us a prep sheet and it's not on there. rather there's a list of about 50 terms (8 of which will be on the paper, 5 of which we have to define) and four essay questions (two of which will be on the paper and one of which we have to answer). grrr. i think i'll just watch tv. and look at the prep sheet in the ad breaks. am genius.

3. write short film. 20 minutes, so about 30 pages. picked slightly depressing plot but i'm hooked to it. i started writing and i'm so desperate to find out what happens that i have to finish it and i might as well use it for my assessment since i'm writing it anyway.

4. write next chapter of current fan fiction story. i'm sure this is a sad and pathetic hobby. but, again, i'm hooked. and there are certainly more dangerous addictions than romance writing. and ER.

5. finish painting of pretty sunset and take to 'article' gallery in town. and go to hummingbird cafe next door to reward self for doing such a cultured thing. he! am cultured! so is bacteria. bollocks

6. stop using bollocks as an expletive.

7. start saying 'expletive' instead.

8. no.

9. make flyers and forms for labour weekend camp. find chef. find speaker. find phone number for camp owner. panic. take pills. organise food myself. get already overworked leaders to do short talks and then write the main talks myself. make sign-up sheet for talet quest and pray that youth will be inspired to make fools of selves in organised fashion. make camp booklet. realise no one keeps these so it doesn't need to be a bollocky work of art. make roster for duties. make list of things to take that forgot last year - eg. teatowels. organise youth into cabin groups making sure certain troublemakers don't get in same cabins. remember that i should delegate more. remember that i tried that last year and sometimes it's easier to just do it myself. remind leaders that it is not a good idea to have public bottom-smackings of boys who like to pull moonies, even if they deserve it, when conservative parents are being 'chef' in the next room, and returning soon with names of winner of talent quest... woops.

10. relax. labour weekend is a couple of months away. and leah will help. and joe can organise transport - ooh! new van! petrol costs covered by church! (almost) financial freedom!

11. write email to cousin in wellington

12. call hillary since i scared her last night with a late and panicky text. was feeling very sad. asked her to pray since she's a night owl and the first person in my phone directory who i thought would be awake and wouldn't mind praying... and is still on speaking terms with god. had a really good day and feel a bit silly for being so sad last night.

13. stop making excuses for self. it's okay to feel the way i feel. i was sad. now i'm okay. i was sad for reasons that aren't making me sad right now but that doesn't mean they're not good reasons.

14. stop listening to 'everybody loves raymond' in next room and trying to keep up.

15. stop pretending i care what's going on on 'everybody loves raymond'. ooh! deborah is apologising. i wonder what she did. or maybe something bad happened and she's being sympathetic. oh. not the case. 'live studio audience' (my ass) are laughing.

16. stop being annoyed at brother for switching channels when i'm not even watching.

17. stop thinking about watching ANOTHER episode of ER. but my brother likes it now so he could probalby be convinced. only mum is SO sick of it. silliness. of all tv dramas it really is up there.

18. get over ER

19. make more reasonable to do lists.

Hey! i did as many 'to-do's' as years i've been alive. it's providence. or something. no, that doesn't make sense. at least im consistent.